Veilig aangehaakt, bij vake aan de fiets

Paul van Vliet heeft vele mooie liedjes, maar eentje heet “Veilig op de fiets”. Het beschrijft de veiligheid en geborgenheid die een zoon voelt, jawel, achterop bij zijn vader op de fiets.

Veilig achterop bij vader op de fiets
Vader weet de weg en ik weet nog van niets
Veilig achterop, ik ben niet alleen
Vader weet de weg, vader weet waarheen

Onbewust dreven het voorbije weekend mijn gedachten in de richting van dit lied, het weekend dat we de aanhangfiets voor onze Down-zoon, Jente, in gebruik namen. Deze aanhangfiets zorgt ervoor dat we voor korte trips niet steeds de auto moeten nemen. En ik hoop dat Jente ook vreugde en veiligheid voelt onder het mom “Veilig aangehaakt, bij vake aan de fiets”.

Lentepoetsballonkunst(enaar)

Op 27 april 2013 was het weer lentepoets in de Antwerpse wijken ondersteund door Opsinjoren van de stad. Vooraleer wij onze straten en straatkanten aanpakten, organiseerde ons Weegbree-buurtcomité eerst echter een brunch. Gelukkig genoeg was het mooi weer, dus konden we lekker in openlucht zitten.

Daarnaast was ook een ballonkunstenaar voorzien om de kinderen te entertainen, Wouter. En, wow, we waren onder de indruk. Iedereen kent de klassieke clown annex ballonknutselaar die een zwaard maakt, of een hoed, of een hondje van ballonnen. Maar Wouter maakte er net wat meer werk van.

Voor onze kleine zus Nienke maakte hij een evenbeeld en voor broer Jente een kabouter Kwebbel. Grote broer Ian vroeg een draak, een ‘uitdaging’ die Wouter heel ernstig nam, zoals je kan zien. Hij transformeerde Ian zowaar helemaal in een draak van ballonnen.

Hopsaland naar Plopsaland

We zijn het jaar 2013 goed begonnen, namelijk met een reisje naar Plopsaland.

Gelukkig genoeg hadden we ons goed voorbereid op het vlak van toegang en (vooral) de verboden voor kinderen met een beperking. Spontaan en probleemloos werd ons een lijst van het verbodene overhandigd (‘Gids voor personen met een handicap en hun begeleiders’), zoals we die op de website al hadden gevonden. Maar op de website stond ook de mogelijkheid om wel toegang te krijgen mits begeleiding en een schriftelijk akkoord (zie ‘Bijlage‘ aan voornoemde gids). En ik was wel verrast dat ik daar heel expliciet naar moest informeren, om dat document dan pas te krijgen.

Nu, we zijn intussen toch al 3 keer naar Legoland geweest, naar Playmobilland en enkele keren naar De Efteling, en daar hebben wij alvast nooit zo’n afwijzende en in sé lafhartige houding ontmoet qua kinderen met een beperking. Ik noem het openlijk lafhartig vanwege de houding die men aanneemt, maar ook het taalgebruik in bvb. de befaamde bijlage aan de al even befaamde gids. De organisatie verschuilt zich achter de anderen, de zogenaamde “publieke commotie”, het advies van de veiligheidsfirma, enz. om vervolgens de druk lekker exclusief bij de ouders te leggen. Waarom kan ik me niet van de indruk ontdoen dat het vooral een excuus is om geen aanpassingen door te voeren aan de attracties, de toegangen ertoe en omringende procedures?

Maar kom, het bezoek was erg geslaagd. De nieuwe figuurtjes, zoals Maya, Wickie, Dobus en Bobo, geven toch een opfrissing aan het park. Op zo’n 2e januari is het ook niet echt vreselijk druk en dat maakt het aangenamer, vooral door de afwezigheid van wachtrijen. Verder vonden we het nieuwe indoorpark Mayaland erg leuk. Daar hebben we op verschillende manieren door de lucht gevlogen, in het ballenbad en de speeltuin gespeeld en van de maxi glijbaan gegleden. Het was ook aangenaam om er ‘s avonds, net voor het ‘verplicht’ afsluitende bezoek aan de shop en de tocht huiswaarts, nog even lekker terug op temperatuur te komen. Trouwens, Nienke heeft een pracht van een Kwebbel-muts gekregen!

In de namiddag vonden we vooral de show van Dobus wel leuk. Cool om hem zo in ‘t echt te zien. Het was een leuk optreden, met de nodige liedjes, interactie met het publiek en kindjes op het podium.

Love. Life. Fireworks.

The hedonist year 2012 has passed by. I haven’t been to the hairdresser for over 12 months now. The first half of 2012 it felt like turning into a (wholeheartedly welcomed) transitional year, personally and professionally. But in the second half, 2012 was a crazy madhouse. Energy, fun, children, creativity, hyperactivity, fireworks.

Time for reflection, anger, hope and despair.

The last day of the year brought dark sentiments, negative emotions caused by a random mix of feelings and frustrations upon socially being interlocked-locked out in parallel; the type of unfeelings that otherwise rarely still hit me nowadays. Sentiments that made me buy the remastered edition of Dog Man Star by Suede. It is a master piece, it was Suede’s second album, it broke away from the pagan optimism of their debut, it saw the split of the golden songwriting duo of Brett Anderson and Bernard Butler. It was released in 1994. In 1997 my wife and I danced to The 2 of Us on our wedding evening.

In the end the sentiments served as a reminder. A reminder not only of the sheer beauty of Dog Man Star, but of the fact that some things take time. Becoming what you didn’t know you wanted to be, but also growing one’s own personal culture and traditions in overcoming social shortages. Springs to my mind: the power of independent thinking and pride; the absence of parents and relatives; #(f)ff.

My mother died in 2005. My father died in 2009 (I think). I never miss them. I do miss ‘parents’, but I’ve come to realize that I already did back when they were still alive. My father is probably the most evil person I have ever known. He was a drunk psycho-terrorist that consciously tried to destroy us. The day he died a dark cloud dissolved. It was a sign to invest even more in the choice that had already payed off, the deliberate choice for happiness. Further building on total happiness with my lovely wife and our fantastic children. And we share it with a wider world, with YOU. Hence this blog note. It helps us making life a feast, every day.

2012 has been good, and life keeps getting better, at a personal and at a professional level (a distinction, by the way, I only make for the comfort of the reader).

Message written against the background of Religion (II) by Public Image Ltd and the new soundscapes of The Seer by Swans:

I will keep living the illusion of Ulysses by the sea. Maybe I’ll see you there. Maybe elsewhere, maybe not.

G-Gym 2012 met Deugd & Moed

September kennen we vooral van de start van een nieuw schooljaar. Maar het is ook de start van de nieuwe verenigingsactiviteiten. En dat betekent dat onze Down-zoon niet enkel terug naar de Akabe-scouts van De Zonnepinkers kan, maar wekelijks ook terug kan gaan turnen.

Onze turnkring, Deugd & Moed, heeft sinds enkele jaren een fantastische G-Gym-werking. Hier kan je kind met een mentale beperking lekker bewegen, huppelen, springen, klimmen en buitelen!

In een interview vermeldt Jessica Vervoort, de G-Gym verantwoordelijke: “Het is allemaal begonnen toen we een kindje met het Syndroom van Down in onze reguliere werking kregen“. Dat was dus onze zoon Jente!

Nieuwe leden zijn steeds van harte welkom. En kijk zoonlief mee ziten blinken op de folder…

Development or construction?

A couple of years ago we turned our garage into a small living studio for our son. He has too much difficulties doing stairs due to his Duchenne muscular dystrophy. Since then we have stored our bikes as well as his tri-bike in the hall, which is quite crowded. Last weekend, finally, I constructed a bicycle shed in the back of our garden. I am no carpenter, I am no superior wood craftsman, but I love the result. And my wife even more as she had been waiting for it for a very long time.

Sinds enkele jaren hebben we onze garage omgebouwd tot een leefkamer voor onze oudste zoon. Door zijn Duchenne aandoening waren trappen namelijk te lastig geworden om elke dag te trotseren. Sindsdien was de hall de parking geworden voor onze fietsen en zijn tri-bike, wat nogal druk is. Het voorbije week heb ik, eindelijk, een fietshok gemaakt in de tuin. Ik ben geen timmerman, of een bijzonder vakman in houtbewerking, maar ik ben wel blij met het resultaat. En mijn vrouw nog meer aangezien ze er heel lang op heeft moeten wachten.

Olympische zwemles

Al vanaf de eerste schooldag had de juf van Ian, onze oudste zoon, de kinderen van zijn klas gek gemaakt met het vooruitzicht van een geweldige verrassing op de eerste zwembeurt. Toen het uiteindelijk zo ver was, bleek dat de kinderen het bezoek kregen van onze eigenste Olympiër Dieter Dekoninck. En dat was ook tot de Gazet van Antwerpen doorgedrongen, zie de site.

Ian vertelde trots dat Dieter een baantje mee gezwommen had met hem. Een mooi gebaar, vinden deze ouders van een zoon met Duchenne voor wie dergelijke lichamelijke inspanningen allemaal niet zo evident zijn!

Onze schuchtere zoon heeft zelfs een handtekening durven vragen op zijn zwemzak.

Eind vorig jaar waren we trouwens al erg trots op Ian’s zwemprestaties, aangezien hij de nodige extra zwembrevetten verzamelde, namelijk 200m, 400m en zijn A-brevet. Wow, een superprestaties met zijn spieren!

Back to School 2012

Today, 1 September 2012, was another ‘back to school’ day for our boys. Our little girl can enjoy the freedom of home for another 2 months.

Since our boys are going to school, we’ve made a picture of them at every first day of the school year. Here are the 2012 updates:

Nienke’s woordenboek

Onze dochter Nienke mag vanaf november naar school. Ik denk dat ik best haar woordenboek vastleg:

Meeêeh (geluid van een schaap)
Mama: mama, moeke, vake (en alle volwassenen)
Dôk: ik ook
Dēs: dit, deze, dat, die (ook personen)
Nē: nee (ontkenning, afwijzing)
Ander (heftig; nee, nee, ik wil die/dat andere)

Why It Took Time (to become what I didn’t know I wanted to be)

The terrorism of an alcoholic father left me with serious damages and memories of a loveless youth. Nevertheless I graduated as Industrial Engineer in electronics in 1992, age 22. An opportunistic choice of study as philosophy or literature didn’t offer the same job certainty. Purpose?

Time for a little retrospective exercise. What has happened in the 20 years since my graduation? What has been most influential in becoming who I am today? And why did it take that time?

The formative years

I was deeply disappointed when entering the labor market as my grade created the expectation of thorough technical insights while I had hoped for some staff position, and the possibility to work with teams.

My first job was software engineering on VAX but I remember most the great times I spent in the great country of Ireland. After a little project on OS/2 I moved to a small company in 1993 to do assembler programming on Micro-PIC controllers. My 6 months trial period wasn’t too convincing but a one month prolongation did show some success in planning and purchasing, combined with Borland C++ and Paradox programming.

Blind enthusiasm and overwork burned me out so I left in 1996 to take over a bookshop of a large chain on a franchising base. A client of our shop pointed me towards Nietzsche and his ‘Beyond Good and Evil’ (and later on his other works) was an incredible eye opener. Since then I kept saying that 90% of who I am, I am due to my wife and 9% due to Nietzsche. Nietzsche revealed the bare truth to much of my struggles with life to that date. Although my wife and I had the time of our lives being all around books, and we moved to a bigger shop twice, on the last day of 1998 we had to decide to quit. The reason was the imbalance of income, social life and personal development; and being on the verge of debts.

In 1999 I started as business developer for the first Belgian e-commerce site for books and CDs, where I soon grew into a senior management position. By the end of an exciting but burning period I remember me creating a mega (no, wait, giga) analysis for a complete new back office (from IT to logistics), which was my domain to lead. It only took me 3 hours to get a team through it. Once. I don’t know whether it was that analysis or the complete renewal of our server park, but just after I resigned in 2001, I was offered the position of IT director at the company. Although I did co-write a post-crisis survival business plan for the company, I still decided to leave. I felt too young, too inexperienced and -above all- my views on the people aspect were quite different from our investors and other leading managers. I rightfully left, is my opinion still. Later that year, our first son was born.

The Years of Dedication

In 2001 I started working for a large local (Belgian) consulting company.

For my first project I did a complete functional analysis, took the lead in contracting and other negotiations and continued as ‘project manager’. Management advised me not show the estimates to the team. But I did, and it didn’t prevent the project from ending up break-even where all other fixed prices ended in major losses. But I specifically remember helping a team member through a difficult divorce situation. Without minding the actuals.

In 2003 our second son was born. He turned out to have Down Syndrome. Professionally I got called to urgently lead a new project that seemed unfeasible despite the fancy MS Project promise. It took 15 minutes for 2 software architects to convince me about eXtreme Programming. It just had all elements fixed in the method that I had -to a certain extent- tried to do in my first project: communication, iterations, feedback. In December 2003 I presented this project as the first major production XP implementation in Belgium at Javapolis.

When scaling up with the next phase of the project we added Scrum in 2004. I went well-prepared, i.e. having read his 2 books at that time, to a CSM class by Ken Schwaber. And we replaced our organizational XP practices with Scrum practices and names, but we kept doing the core engineering practices (pair programming, TDD, continuous integration, automated testing).

By the end of 2006 we had successfully delivered 2 more phases of our early Agile project, and applied Scrum + eXtreme Programming in 2 additional large website applications, incorporating extensive front-ends, back-ends, integrations and interfaces. Those projects learned me that inclusion of incremental development of even major UX-components is feasible, and even to be preferred.

Due to lack of respect for our results and for the people I decided to leave in 2007. And to date I’m still struck by the observation of an esteemed colleague and team member that I had never consciously made myself, i.e. that he loved the way I tried to turn a project into a total, 360° experience of joy, fun, energy and… results. Never satisfied with less.

Richard Dawkins deepened my Nietzsche experience by adding a genetic and memetic dimension to it. By the end of the year I started at another consulting company, led and blinded by promises of a management position. Around that time our oldest son, age 6, was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Having read Richard Dawkins helped in surviving and dealing with the genetic flaws of our 2 children.

The empty management promises finally covered 2 years of my life in stress and agony. I fought, battled and barely survived, before returning to my Agile roots. I realized that I had never cared about any ‘CS*’ certifications or whatever career, that my satisfaction had been in working with teams and clients, joyful projects, and that I still didn’t care about careering. Therefore I was attracted by the community orientation of Ken Schwaber’s new platform, Scrum.org and followed and joined it from the early days in 2009.

2010 did not only see me giving consultancy a last chance at my current employer, but after 2+ years of medical uncertainty and wandering our daughter was born. No genetic problems, not even carrier of DMD. My first professional experience wasn’t too comforting, but I applied my iterative-incremental approach and turned my first project, once more, and once more against all odds, into a 360° success. In the mean time I evolved with Scrum.org and did the Professional Scrum Master assessments (level I and II), and decided to firmly proceed on that path. I applied for Professional Scrum Trainer for which I went to a PSM class by Ken by the end of 2010 in Zürich.

Booming Business

And then, suddenly, there was 2011. Dutch colleagues found me. I developed an internal Scrum training, which was highly appreciated and became very successful. It opened important gates at clients, caused some amazing breakthroughs and I mutated to another division. I followed the early Professional Scrum Product Owner program and soon became Professional Scrum Trainer in PSM and PSPO.

I had a boost in understanding and living Agility, not in the least through the mentoring and lessons by Ken. My perspective quickly broadened. Authors like Daniel Pink (“Drive”) and Nassim Taleb (“The Black Swan”) augmented my general world views, and greatly supported my belief to use people and empiricism to cope with the complexity of our world. I am now the global expert on Scrum at my company (120.000 people worldwide). And the end is not nearly in sight. Scrum has become a substantial part of what we do and offer. We train our consultants and our clients, we coach and guide them, we promote Enterprise Agility and we inject more and more agility into our own organization.

Soon I will be talking at the Scrum Day Europe event that Scrum.org initiated and that we co-organize. I will introduce how I perceive the Emergence of the Customer-Oriented Enterprise. Previous ‘confessions’ gave some insights in what might have influenced how I developed my views. Who knows what will happen next to change how I see things?

Not Future

Some things take time. Beauty. Growing flowers. Becoming what you didn’t know you wanted to be. Unlearning. Mastery. Dedication and determination.

I am still without much formal title or position. I regularly struggle with the gigantic, monstrous machines that corporations tend to be. I regularly want to flee back to the underground when balancing my personal ethics against my desire for impact. Overall however, I manage and it works out… without power games. I am epigenetically (the seeds sown in my youth) unable to play power games, but I’ve learned to use that in my advantage.

In 2012 I am even making enormous progress on my scales of valuation. In the past I usually was merely tolerated, in the best case appreciated.  Here I am now, not just being motivated, but even able to innovate.

Note

I started writing this blog note to give people insight in what it sometimes takes, at least time, to learn and evolve. I was long in doubt whether to continue this text when I started reading Lyssa Adkins’ book Coaching Agile Teams. Having read the first chapter I decided to go for it. Because my message reflects how I became to ‘be’, not only what I ‘do’. Painful sometimes, but honest. Hoping it might help or inspire others. Hoping it helps people understand that it takes time. The path and the patience pay off. I can now go back to Lyssa’s book again and finish reading it.